Everything’s gone Green

Apparently I’m green.
No, don’t laugh and say, “We knew that already!”
There’s more.
When I get told this enlightening piece of information, all sorts of things flit through my mind.
Green fingers?
Definitely not – I’m quite good at turning green things brown unless they are weeds in which case they seem to thrive quite well.
Green as in young and inexperienced? Well it’s all relative I suppose but youthfulness is not that much on my side these days having passed a big birthday and I’m counting backwards from now on.
Green as in vegetarian, or grass-muncher as my brother calls me, with possible connotations of subversive political tendencies and leanings towards marches and protests and saving the world?
Hmm that’s for me to know and you to find errr not. Not for the gym to be commenting on anyway.
Yes, I was at the gym and I was getting fed up because after having done lots of leg presses it told me I had to do them again. So I went over to the lady training instructor, who did try and ignore me for quite a while it has to be said, then she finally (with a theatrical sigh) stopped talking to a friend and looked on the computer.
“You’re green so that’s good.”
What was good about it?
“Green…?”
“You come here a lot.”
“Ah!”
‘Green as in Lean Green Gym Bunny Machine!’ I think to myself hopefully. Then I realise that, despite being able to look in the mirror and instantly dispel this delusion, actually I have been lucky to make it to a session twice a week and it is more likely to have been just once a week as things have been so busy. I look down…the spare tyre is almost from a 4×4 at the moment and I couldn’t help but notice that my sports bra is not working (a sure sign that the gym sessions are not working either).
I must try to get along more frequently in case I get done under the Trade Descriptions Act.

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