Sun Day

I attempt to get a calmer outlook on life by putting on my new yoga DVD.  A few downward dogs and cobras later, I attempt a wobbly tree pose and feel ready to say “Hi” to the Sun. I am feeling rejuvenated and ready to start my day – ok it is 2pm and my day actually started quite a few hours earlier but I had to get other things out of the way first like the washing and shopping and getting my roots done didn’t I? Oh and did I mention that I am on a fast day and need to keep my mind off what’s in the fridge?

I get a call from a friend and go for a walk along the beach.  I don’t know if it’s the lack of food but I see yoga poses in the sky…



It’s five minutes into the afternoon session and I am told that they desperately need me to teach the little Year Twos. I go downstairs to find out what lesson they are supposed to be doing. It’s PE. Not good. The only lesson that I really feel under-equipped for….and I’m going in with no preparation time whatsoever. Luckily we have the hall and the children are so enthusiastic that I could play ‘sleeping lions’ with them all afternoon and they would think it was great.
We are animals in the woods, we make shapes and letters, we play follow my leader and work in pairs. Then comes the pièce de résistance…my famous ‘Pose of a Gnome’ game.
This is a sure fire way of having them calm right down ready to go back to class in an orderly manner. We had fishing gnomes and golfing gnomes and piano playing gnomes and singing gnomes and, best of all, what looked like a group of brass band gnome players all performing silently and in a frozen-statue-like manner.
Ahhhh such blissful silence!

Everything’s gone Green

Apparently I’m green.
No, don’t laugh and say, “We knew that already!”
There’s more.
When I get told this enlightening piece of information, all sorts of things flit through my mind.
Green fingers?
Definitely not – I’m quite good at turning green things brown unless they are weeds in which case they seem to thrive quite well.
Green as in young and inexperienced? Well it’s all relative I suppose but youthfulness is not that much on my side these days having passed a big birthday and I’m counting backwards from now on.
Green as in vegetarian, or grass-muncher as my brother calls me, with possible connotations of subversive political tendencies and leanings towards marches and protests and saving the world?
Hmm that’s for me to know and you to find errr not. Not for the gym to be commenting on anyway.
Yes, I was at the gym and I was getting fed up because after having done lots of leg presses it told me I had to do them again. So I went over to the lady training instructor, who did try and ignore me for quite a while it has to be said, then she finally (with a theatrical sigh) stopped talking to a friend and looked on the computer.
“You’re green so that’s good.”
What was good about it?
“You come here a lot.”
‘Green as in Lean Green Gym Bunny Machine!’ I think to myself hopefully. Then I realise that, despite being able to look in the mirror and instantly dispel this delusion, actually I have been lucky to make it to a session twice a week and it is more likely to have been just once a week as things have been so busy. I look down…the spare tyre is almost from a 4×4 at the moment and I couldn’t help but notice that my sports bra is not working (a sure sign that the gym sessions are not working either).
I must try to get along more frequently in case I get done under the Trade Descriptions Act.


Crisps and dips go straight on the hips
While a little wine makes you feel just fine
And it’s all ok ‘cos come the day
In the gym I’ll be in the hope, you see,
That I’ll sweat the pounds and get less round…
……. ……. ……
Round…rotund… a little stunned!
I’m not that agile, and I feel QUITE fragile
In fact my head sends me back to bed
In a darkened room, where I’ll stay ‘til noon
(I’m no quitter but need to feel fitter!)

My head is murky…is this cold turkey?
I only had a little….not really my tipple
All my good intention, vanished with the tension
Headache pulsing forth, wind blowing from the north
I really have to say, in the cold light of day

I really should have tea with lots of lovely


Here I lie – eyes open when they should be closed,

mind wandering when it should be focussed,

my body goes through the well-practised moves


while I lazily take in the vast expanse

of ceiling above;

the perspex–covered lights – a beacon for

crane flies…my eyes…

the disco ball, reflecting the occupants

of the room below,

glittering in between the splash of turquoise,

the flare of pink caught in its facets.

As directed my leg points upwards,

stretching those ligaments where they really

don’t want to go.

Is that a ping I feel?

Then lengthening into full body… clench…release….

and repeat…

If I was attached to a generator there’d be a powercut

Uh oh! I’m all in a spin.

Legs fly as fast as they will go

(not fast enough) but I’m getting thin…

At least my brain tells me so.

Faster! Faster! Stand up! Sit down!

In the mirror I chance a glance

A mistake.  Puce face and concentrated frown

Etched on my brow.  “Up the resistance!”

My legs are showing some resistance

To change. At least I chose a bike

Away from the window with its queue

Of cars, lined up to see what they like

Or not. Definitely not, I’m hot, that’s true

But not in the way that if I got thin

(I try to grin) but…I can’t bear it!

Six Word Sunday 2 – Just got comfy

Sinking into cushions – gym seems uninviting…

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