On the Shelf

I enter the book shop and am surrounded with the presence of cherished and best-beloved clutter. Now de-cluttered and spaced out in harmonious surroundings. Laid out on the shelves like some respectful chapel of rest for those who will to come and pay their respects – as I do. Not abandoned yet ownerless. I think, when I am a presence in some biodegradable casket or lying mingled with the roots of some vibrant young whipper-snapper of a rose bush, I should feel comforted to know that my friends and companions who live upon the shelves, will find another home and a new viewpoint from someone who will love them as I do.
I feel at peace; when the time comes I will be leaving my books to the Oxfam bookshop.

How I prepare for a zombie Apocalypse

My car would be good in a zombie apocalypse Jo tells me. Hmm this sets me thinking – perhaps I should clean it out. Useful items that I have stored within my metal storage trunk…

One can of Cif bathroom cleaner for when I need some foam to put the fires out.

A metal bead bracelet so that I can signal with the noonday sun to others who have not yet been zombified.

A picnic blanket to use for camouflage/invisible cloak/ eating my lunch al fresco when the zombies have gone for their nap.

Three sets of exercise gear and two pairs of trainers to make a quick getaway if I am cornered.

Refreshing foot spray and antibacterial hand gel as everyone knows that if you keep fresh they will give you up as a bad lot and keep their distance…ok maybe I made that bit up.

And three tins of hairspray (left over from helping at a dance competition) that could be used as a kind of pepper spray to temporarily blind them and make a run for it – could also be useful if you come to the conclusion that if you can’t beat ‘em you’d better join ‘em and look the part (obviously will need to rip some of the workout gear before donning).

On second thoughts maybe I’ll lock the doors and wait for Brad Pitt to come and rescue me…

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